I've been getting some comments like, "I miss the funny Susan." "Where are the happy posts?" "Why is everything so serious lately?"
My answer? It is what it is. I'm in a funk. So it's either not write, or fake some happy shit that will just come out, well, fake. I'm ignoring phone calls. I'm avoiding people. I'm stressing out almost to the point of panic attacks. I have the Klonopin, but I try to take it only when I start feeling the pain from clenching my jaw. You know, I know I need to feel the feelings I'm going through. It's the first holiday season without my family. No call on Thanksgiving. No call on my birthday.
Although I ultimately feel this is best thing for me, it sucks. And it makes me really sad. So lately, I'm just not in the mood. For anything.
Don't think I've become pessimistic, or that I've lost my belief that everything works out and all that new age hippie shit. I am still The Secret's biggest fan. But, the fact is, sometimes things suck. They just do.
That's where I am right now. And, I'm okay with it. It will pass, I will learn, all will work out. But until then ... leave a message and I'll get back to you later.
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5 comments:
I sent you a birthday card (e-card) did you get it?
I didn't -- but thanks for thinking of me! You know, when I say "family" I mean our elders, not so much our generation.
I know you love me.
xoxo
It was an ecard.. I'm sorry you didn't get it.. I'm going home for Christmas.. Wish you could be with us.
Screw being something that you're not. Seriously. Just write, whatever it is that you're feeling. And I hope that soon what you're feeling is happy.
well i don't miss the funny susan, because i know she is there....i had a strange thing happen yestersay (after seeing my new therapist)....while at the bookstore some girls walked in talking about "some guy named David Sedaris.....", some guy, duh he has been around forever......and it made me feel good, like no matter what i read, there will be a david sedaris i haven't discovered, right around the corner and i will just LOVE the next book i read....so i shall keep on reading!.......currently reading "Naked" and "The Almost Moon"
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