To Three Jolly Pigeons

I got a phone call at work yesterday.

"Hi. My name is Holly and I got a package that was for you. Do you live close to 67th Street in Brooklyn?"

Me: No. I'm in Park Slope. I wonder how ... wait. Are you around the corner from Three Jolly Pigeons?Holly: Yeah, I am.
Me: And your landlord is Alex. I used to live there like five years ago.
Holly: I got the package and without checking the label I opened it. I'm sorry. It's a box of Lancome products.

Turns out Klutz-o sent a care package to me at my old address. Old as in five addresses ago, and upon further reflection, seven years ago. Klutz-o does not keep accurate records.

So, Holly is obviously a very nice and good person who was honest enough (or afraid of karma enough) to find me, call and return a box full of makeup and lotion and perfume.

Anyway. While Holly and I were on the phone, I kept things short and sweet. "Thank you so much. I'll send a messenger." In my head I was thinking, "Do you have any idea what occurred in that apartment? The scenes played out, the characters who came through the door, the laughing and dancing and vomiting ..."

So, I've decided to send Holly a thank you card with a little care package -- some mascara and lip gloss maybe.

Dear Holly,

Have you ever gone to The Pigeon at 5AM on a Mother's Day Sunday in your slippers and robe? Did you pay for your beer with a bag of change? Did you have your 30th birthday party in the apartment and did it involve your roommate being a slave for you and drinking beer out of a dog bowl? Do you ever, in the late, quiet night think you hear people dancing and singing songs from West Side Story? That's me, Holly. That's me and HeatherJeanne.

Do you ever wonder why there's a cigarette burn in the window sill or red nail polish in the grout of the bathroom tile? I know the story behind both of those things.

Holly. You live in a place that was the scene of some of the most important moments in my life. That is where HJ and I fell in love with each other (platonically speaking, unless we were drinking), and where we had our hearts broken in two of the worst relationships known to mankind.

Did you ever imagine that on 9/11 while I was stuck in Manhattan unable to get home, HeatherJeanne didn't know where to turn and found herself in the Fire Station on the corner sobbing uncontrollably and begging the Fire Fighters, "What can I do? What do I do?"

That apartment is where my friendship with HRH was born and bred.*

Enjoy the place Holly, and watch out for Alex. If you're behind in your rent and he thinks you still have a lease although you do not have a lease anymore because it ran out and he never asked you to sign a new one, he'll just barge in. Seriously. Just walk right in to the apartment -- no knock, no nothing.

I suggest you keep the chain on.

Thanks again for returning the stuff!

With love and gratitude,

The Princess

*note: Obviously, I assume Holly is a fan. I feel you Jerry Seinfeld. There is no place on Earth where I can go and not be known.