southern discomforts

Where are the personal stylists for normal people? I mean, I can't be the only one who watches Top Model or How to Look Good Naked and craves a professional makeover. Right? Tonight I was watching "The Biggest Loser" and Tim Gunn was on there giving the Top Seven makeovers and I was so jealous. It made me crazy.It's still making me crazy. I want a makeover. I want a live-action camera crew to surprise me at the Jay Street-Borough Hall stop and have Jai Rodriguez come up to me with a microphone and say, "Princess, your friends think you're tragic!" while they go to shots of me in hideous outfits. And I want to be swept away for an all-inclusive Four Seasons Spa Getaway where I will be pampered and made over by professionals with exquisite taste and unlimited budgets.

Meanwhile, I would love for a crew from Dwell magazine to come in and renovate my backyard.

And a huge cash prize at the end of it all wouldn't suck.