Fine. You're ugly anyways.

This 826NYC place I've been obsessing about lately has this great section on its website where they post stories written by their drop-in tutoring students. This is my favorite:

Hector's Girlfriend Broke Up With Him
by John, Age 10

Written during Drop-In Tutoring
May 2006, Williamsburgh Annex

Hector's girlfriend Kristen broke up with him because he had a big nose. Every time he went next to her, he pushed her with his nose. Every time he called for a drink, she always felt his saliva, because he also had a big mouth. He looked like a giraffe.

One day, she was asleep and Hector came home at 6am. He didn't like to tell her he tutored. He
did it in secret.

"What are you doing coming home at this hour!" she yelled.

"It starts with a 't,' but I can't tell you," he said.

"It's OVER," she said. "And I'm sick of you walking in with your hairy legs when my friends are here. You're always embarrassing me in front of my friends."

"This is MY HOUSE! Tell your friends to leave if they don't like it. And tell your friend Michelle to stay away. She got a mustache, so she shouldn't be talking."

"Well," said Kristen, "I'll stay with you 'cause you make a lot of money."

"Forget about that," Hector said. "I always knew that's why you liked me 'cause when you saw me I was bling blingin' but you can't get no ching ching. So Kristen, are you gonna leave me or not? Now get out to the hallway like a little cat."

"Fine. You're ugly anyways."

Kristen pretended to leave. She walked out to the living room and hid under the sofa. Hector thought she was gone. He said, "I don't know if I'm gonna go to tutoring or not. Those kids drive me crazy!"

Kristen heard him. She thought, "I'm telling him I know he works with kids." When Hector came into the living room, she got up and Hector screamed like a girl: "AHHHH!!"

"So, where do you work at?" she said. "A TUTORING CENTER??"

"In the library. All I do is help out my John John Bigalow. And John John Bigalow's under my bed!"

Then, John John Bigalow came out and she said, "AHH! He looks like a bum!" She snapped her fingers and said, "Get out of my room!"

"This ain't your room, this is MY room," said Hector. "JJB staying here. And YOU leave out my room, Kristen. Or else I'll call the cops."

He called the cops.