To add to that, because i rarely take advantage of all my technology has to offer, i haven't even loaded the Office Suite on the new Air. I'm doing this on, eek, Text Edit.
My friend Sparky gave me about 6000 Japanese Pop Songs (He officially won friend of the month.) Are they on my laptop? Nope. Do I work the cardio while listening to Harajuku girl bands? No. I listen to the same songs I threw on my shuffle from crap I had downloaded for various meeting themes at work.
And, if you don't do cardio, you should know, there's a thing about cardio. You really need a beat. And I've got work stuff then all this mellow Digable Planets style stuffabout contemplating abortion and fascists (they're some heavy dudes).
hey beautiful bird i said digging her somber moodSo. My inspiration possibilities are: either be reminded of a (surely painful) national sales meeting of one of our clients, ponder the fate of my womb (and yours ladies), or there's TV which offers a bunch of crap (news, sports, current events -- all things I'm not into) or it's plug in to Paula Deen or the Barefoot Contessa. Both of whom use butter or sour cream (or both! With mayonnaise! Paula's favoritein every dish they prepare. And they are both huge fans of carbs.
the fascists are some heavy dudes
they don't really give a damn about life
they just don't want a woman to
control her body or have the right to choose
You know when people ask those questions, "If you could only have two foods for the rest of your life"? My answer is a toss up between cheese and pork or dinner rolls and mashed potatoes with gravy. There is nothing like a carb dipped in a another carb covered with gravy. Are you people familiar with disco fries?
Jesu'Christo, is that delicious.Back to the point. My frustration. It's not just the wireless issue. It's the fact that I have come to a place where I am fucking fed up with this bullshit family drama. Fed the fuck up.
My mom is currently a train wreck. Seriously, thank god there are no paparazzi in Fitzgerald who like to track train wrecks. The weekly Herald-Leader (out every Wednesday) would be blowing up with pictures of my mom's life. It is what it is. And the unfortunate thing is that the train is screeching toward the washed out bridge and there is nothing any of us can do about it but wait for the splash. Arrgh.
So. I've stopped talking to her. As my sister says, "I gotta do me." Then again, now I talk to my sister non-stop. I'm moral support. In Al-Anon, it's called doing service. And I have a unique insight into her situation that I know is invaluable to her right now. So, although I can not separate myself from the situation completely, I do get to stay up-to-date, and my sister keeps telling me thank you for helping her. So that's really nice. Amy and I had been estranged for the majority of our life which we've realized was nurtured by our mother -- and our grandmother in a way. And, in one of my life lists I wrote after seeing the Secret, hearing Ellen, etc., I wrote that I wanted a better relationship with my sister. (Proof that you should be specific. More like, "I'd like a better relationship with my sister based on pleasant and amenable circumstances for all involved." Next time ...)
Because I have a mortgage these days (as well as a trip planned for a week in Nevis!) I can't afford therapy, so I don't have that outlet. The love of my life, Erica Jill, has listened and comforted and sat and rubbed my head while I dripped snot onto her pants. One time was while we were on vacation in Italy and it happened on the bathroom floor. Pretty. Probably not what she was hoping to do on her European vacation. So I feel she's really done her share. Since she and I got together both my grandmother and my aunt died and my Mom suffered through breast cancer and I discovered the depth of my emotional issues and found a way to find my emotional side and let it out. So I totally cry all the time.
She's SO lucky to have me!
And, as you all know (since my readership consists of mostly my friends) there has been discord in the royal family so HRH and I made a mutual break, divided the estate evenly, and have moved on in different directions. HRH got to keep all the Doors and Janis Joplin albums and I got the pool boy.
At least the separation was uncontested.It's been quite a year for me. And I'm coping. But these last couple of days have been kind of hard. The breakup with Mom has been particularly difficult. In essence I've orphaned myself in a total of two phone conversations. One with my dad when I was twenty-four and one with my mom last week.
I really wanna end on a happy note, but right now, I got nothing.
Ooh! Wait! Things are looking up -- I've got five bars on the Wi-Fi!
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5 comments:
Ok, I can't help it, I must comment. Now you know that I read your blog. I sent you an email last week telling you that I read your blog. An email to which you did not respond. I can only take this to mean by your comment about my not contesting the breakup that you believe I should have contested it. Of course I could be wrong here, but... it did sort of have that quality to it. Now, you know me and you know that I rule with an iron fist. I don't like to be backed into corners. Nor did I want to fight you about what you obviously felt you needed to do. That said, I would never have chosen to end our friendship, create space, yes, end it, no. That was your choice, so please for the future, it is not uncontested. And in my truest defence you compared me to Carly at one point in your breakup email, really what choice did I have but to comply? I am sorry you've had a lot happen. My number is the same you are welcome to call me anytime. All has not been well in my royal house, either. It seems that all royals must have troublesome mothers, I can only imagine it's all the inbreeding. Plus, did I not let you keep the Indigo Girls, sure I had tired of them and you are a lesbian therefore more entitled, but I still love Three Hits.
1. I wasn't sending you a message in the post, I was merely writing about the crappy things that have happened this year. Losing your friendship was a crappy thing.
2. When I wrote that I felt our friendship had run its course, you wrote back and said that you agreed, thus my misconception that we were in agreement about that fact. My mistake.
C. I guess it was ultimately my choice to end the friendship, and I still stand by that. I believe we each grew, but just in different directions.
4. Sorry things are crappy in your world too.
5. I knew you read my blog before your email last week. Sorry I didn't respond. I just didn't feel like I had anything to say.
ahhhhhhh Odessa Cafe Disco Fries.........even eaten while seated on the floor of the pee-pee palace-one of the tastiest things EVER
The only thing I have left to say is that I do miss you often (I do love and miss you?) and that I would never have chosen to end our friendship. My feeling is that friendships are so fantastic because they are an environment where you watch another person grow and change. I am delighted with the person I have grown into, but that doesn't mean that at any time I didn't like who you are, frustrated at time yes, dislike, no. I'm still the person who said, if I couldn't be me I'd be you.
Flea. Come back and eat disco fries with me. Though, we'll have to do it much earlier these days. My bedtime is 10 PM.
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