Moment of Clarity

So. Last night I'm watching my favorite show on how to deal with my family.It was an episode that featured my all-time favorite interventionist, Jeff Van Vonderen.

Note: I am an avid fan of both Lost and Weeds. I couldn't name the main characters on either of them if you threatened me with a tree frog. Intervention though -- I can tell you the addicts, the addictions and the interventionists.

From the clips the producers choose to feature of Jeff, I can tell he's brilliant. Or at least he has moments of brilliance that are conveniently captured on film and broadcast to A&E's audience.

I've learned something from Jeff Van Vonderen in every episode he's been featured in and last night was no exception. In the second half of the show, Jeff met with Brad's family in a "pre-intervention" where they discussed their plan of attack for the actual intervention. Brad is an Iraq War veteran who has turned to alcohol and marijuana in an attempt to numb the pain from his experience as a soldier. His family is tortured and is stuck between wanting to coddle him and love him because of what he's been through and frustration and fear about his addiction and the accompanying behavior. I didn't get Jeff's advice down verbatim but here's the gist:

Brad is an addict, but you guys are addicts as well. When Brad is being good and making promises you mood-alter up. When he's breaking promises and being scary and doing risky junk you mood-alter down. Brad is your mood-altering substance. You need to get sober from him without waiting for him to get better first.

Your message to Brad should be, "We are going to be well whether you are well or not." Right now Brad gets to have his addiction and then pass the pain and consequences on to all of you. When that stops and he has to deal with his own problems, he'll be more inclined to get better.

And I had another breakthrough moment of clarity courtesy of cable television.