Oprah, Can You Hear Me?

This morning as i am walking to the train, I drop by Mazzola's to pick up an iced coffee and a bagel. Then I pause at the bench outside the pizza joint across the street to get my straw, napkin, bagel out of bag situation in order before continuing my walk.
I also decide to put on my iPod. As I'm scrolling through the songs looking for something to start with I see, "London Bridge." Excellent. I'm already singing as I select the song and start to play it ... How come everytime you come around,
My London, London bridge, wanna go down.
Then I realize. It's not Fergie.
It's Bread.
And I think, "Oh yeah. It's MY iPod."

Moving on to better news. After I recovered from the shock of learning that not only am I approaching my 40's, but also my beloved iPhone (which also functions as the afforementioned iPod) is nothing more than a prop used in an attempt to make me look hip and up-to-date, I made a decision.
This is my ticket to fame and fortune. This blog. And I decided that HRH and I, with the support of our millions of fans, will gain the stardom we've dreamed of since HRH was (in the tradition of Miss HeatherJeanne, who was the original) the wind beneath my karaoke wings. (I was Sassy of Meow Mix Karaoke for a very, way too long time.)
HRH never sang (nor did she perform Britney Spears choreography - HJ) but she showed up and she drank. And she hooked up with a girl named Lola. (She did not have public sex with a Beyonce look-a-like - HJ)
So, here's what's really exciting! The first magazine that will do a cover story on me will be O! Not only that. It will be one of those stories that is an interview, but also a special, exclusive glimpse into my home and my day-to-day life. There will be shots of my apartment, and shots of my insanely expensive, modern artwork. There will be shots of Erica cooking with me in the background playing with Chulo.
HRH will also be featured on the cover, but O will have a separate article about her. Her interview will focus on her jet-setting lifestyle, and will be conducted during her annual month-long retreat at the Canyon Ranch Spa.
Even better ... both interviews will be conducted by Miss Oprah Winfrey herself.
Afterwards, we will all meet up -- we being me, HRH, Oprah and the ever present, Gail -- and we will have lemondrop martinis and play Taboo.

Just you watch, people. I'm gonna be a STAR!