Fear

“Fear is the natural reaction to moving closer to the truth.” – Pema Chodron.

In my ongoing quest for peace I’m now reading Pema Chodron’s book, “When Things Fall Apart.” The largest obstacle for me is learning to not think beyond the moment. I can only figure that it is my fear of the unknown that drives my mind to constantly attempt to resolve it. Which honestly is a huge waste of effort because I have never found that the future my mind believes is going to happen is ever the future that exists.

I can’t help but wonder if almost every negative emotion stems from fear. I’ve found that even in the moments when I’m experiencing joy, or love, or abundance I feel fear breathing down my neck. I’m reminded of the Sir Walter Scott quote “Oh what tangled webs we weave, when first we practice to deceive.” Honestly, isn’t my belief that I have any idea what the future will hold a form of deception, one that I get tangled up in but never satisfied from?

Of course I am aware that I am capable of evolving beyond my fears. Take my subway ride this morning. As I walked to stand in my normal spot I noticed a particularly disconcerting homeless man standing near my designated train boarding spot masturbating. Well, honestly, when I first moved to New York not only would I have not been able to stand there but I would have been a little frightened. But I have grown. Today, I was only frightened that he would actually get on the L train with me and I’d then be surrounded by the smelly Williamsburgites and The Masturbator (whom I didn’t get that close to but I’m guessing he was smelly too).