Network: sugarbutt, Password: N/A

What is it with wi-fi network passwords? Is there something that can happen to you if someone piggybacks off of your wireless internet? I'm not aware of any dangers, so as far as I can see, it's just selfish. Like, "Fuck you. If I have to pay, everybody's got to pay."

I refuse to put a password on my wi-fi. And I gotta tell you, I feel pretty self-righteous about it. Like those hippies who are so proud of the fact that they have zero carbon footprint and only eat food that they themselves have planted, watered, nurtured and fertilized with their own composted feces so that they have as little impact on the planet as possible.

While we're on hippies. I told you about Woodstock. Remember? So you know how I feel about hippies. Patchouli and feet. Anyway. To me, hippies are as offensive as Republicans. And by hippie I mean a person who is so extremist left wing as to be as comical and insane as Dick Cheney and that gay guy preacher who vomited his no-gay agenda all over his congregation like a crazy person until he got caught blowing some fag in a rest area, or whatever the story was.

I agree that we should be conscious of our impact on the planet and make an effort to not fuck anything up too much. But, I do believe that we should have an impact on the planet. We don't ask donkeys to stop grazing and shitting everywhere. That's what donkeys do.

Sidenote: On Nevis donkeys will also wake you up at 3 AM by screaming, "Hee HAAAAWWW!" in your window. But that's a story for another time.

The point is. I think it's stupid to not want to impact the planet. I want to leave a mark. I am here for a reason and I am significant.However, I don't believe our impact should be toxic or cancerous. Like, we shouldn't cause undue damage to the Earth, but that doesn't mean we should go without toilets or cable.

What the hell am I talking about? I know I had some reason for writing. What was it?

Oh.

Wi-fi.

When I check my airport there is a list of available networks. I'm listed (sugarbutt) as well as Amy, Beer Table, Belkin54g, and Hand of Glory.

For a long time I fantasized that Hand of Glory was some crazy pentecostal church in the neighborhood and I would make up stories about what they were googling. Then I realized that "Hand of Glory" is the name of the tattoo shop downstairs. A crazy church. Not pentecostal.

And of all these networks, I am the only one that doesn't have a lock icon next to its name. So, there's a part of me that worries that there is some crazy risk I am taking with my wireless network. Will I be tied into one of my neighbor's crazy kid porn scandal because he's using my wireless internet to send his garbage to some undercover cop? Or, as I suspect, is there absolutely no danger in sharing my internet waves with the world? (Or at least Park Slope in the general area of 7th Avenue between 14th and 15th streets?)

I'm going with my theory. And I hope there are people sharing my internet. I know that when I was in Carroll Gardens, I got a lot of happiness from using Betty (front of apartment ) and Pepe's (back of apartment) networks. And I silently thanked them every time I signed on. And I know that people who may be using sugarbutt are thanking me.

And they're laughing at my network name. Which makes it even better.