The Problem with Boobs

The story of my life these days is centered on boobs. And when I say boobs I mean boobs in every sense of the word.

One -- Mom's breast cancer and continuing health issues as related to this illness.
Two -- My new mammogram-a-thon that I've been going through because the imaging center found something that might in some remote possibility be problematic for me. (Left side, if you're interested.)
Three -- My family. The whole lot of them ... a bunch of boobs.

Here's what happened.

Yesterday afternoon I notice that V my niece (slash sister according to whether you're going for the biological or legal definition of our relationship) is online and I send her an Instant Message.

me: hey
her: hey
me: what are you doing?
her: nothing
[V is 11]
me: how was school?
her: i didn't go today
me: why not?
her: mama's in the hospital so i went to visit her.
[i had not been notified about this hospitalization]
me: what's wrong with her?
her: well, it started with her heart.
[this is when i reach for my Klonopin]
her continued: she went into atrial fib and she was supposed to come home today but she got a migraine so she's staying again

This is the reason I ended up posting only a subject line last night. What went down was, I got home, told Erica that I had been told my mother was in the hospital via IM from my 11 year old sisterniece. Then I called them.

My sister A answers the phone: I was gonna call you tonight after 9.
[because telling me my mother is in the hospital is not worth paying daytime rates.]
me: so what's going on?
A: well, thursday i saw mama getting her stethoscope from the car and i knew she must be in atrial fib
[mom's a nurse, thus the stethoscope. atrial fib = quite problematic irregular heart beat that my mom has had issues with since chemo]
A continued: so, i asked her and she said, "yep. i'm in atrial fib." so i said, let's go and i drove her over to tifton and they put her in the hospital.
me: thursday?
A: yeah. she was supposed to get out today but she got this migraine this morning and they didn't want her to leave with a headache so they're keeping her tonight. she's supposed to call in a minute to let me know what's going on.
me: thursday?
[yesterday was monday]
A: yeah.

We get off the phone because Mom's calling and they don't have call-waiting on their home phone. A calls back about 30 minutes later.

A: mom's back in ICU.
me: mom was in ICU before?
A: yes. that's where they put her thursday.

Listen people. Who should have to put up with this? My sister and I ended up being on the phone for a couple of hours talking about how fucking insane my mother is and how A has to take charge of the situation down there.

It gets better.

As the conversation goes on, A is describing what happened at the hospital yesterday prior to the doctors announcing that they were keeping Mom for an additional night.

She woke up, had a headache and asked for pain medication. They gave her a Vicodin.
Then later they gave her another one. Then they gave her a Lorcet. Then they gave her Demerol. THEN she says, "I usually take Maxalt at home. Maxalt always helps."
So they give her that.

Somewhere in this process Mom starts vomiting non-stop. She says that this is due to the overwhelming pain.

Well, Mom has had migraines all of her life. And she has vomited from them all of her life. (Or at least for all of my life.) We even had a cheer for her:

Regurgitate, Regurgitate
Throw Up All The Food You Ate
V-O-M-I-T
VOMIT!

Now, being awfully fond of pills myself, I hear this story and I realize. My Mom isn't a migraine sufferer ... she is a pill head. Apparently her DOC [drug of choice] is downers. And, of course she was vomiting. Look at the drugs she ingested in a single day.

I don't know about you, but I'm a big fan of Vicodin and I know what two Vicodin can do to a person. But two Vicodin, a Lorcet, a Demerol AND Maxalt? Seriously people. Who wouldn't be puking? I get a little nauseous just writing about it.

I am so frustrated with the whole lot of the Georgian Boobs that I could barely unclench my jaw enough to eat lunch today. And it was Thai food. I love Thai food.

So, I apologize for the Title Only posting, but after I got off the phone with A the second time last night, I was too exhausted to do anything but catch up on America's Most Smartest Model.