All at one time! I spent over $60 at Barnes & Noble on my way home from work last Friday.
I got the latest Augusten, a book by some guy from Brunswick, Georgia named Hadji, a couple of memoirs about pain and addiction and misery told in a lighthearted, sarcastic tone and then ... People and US Weekly.Guess what I read first.
I hate US Weekly. Hate it. The whole time I'm devouring it cover to cover I'm thinking, "I hate you US Weekly." [flips page] And I berate myself for reading it.
This is so stupid. I can't believe I spent money on this. Look at this. People are out there taking photos of celebrities who are buying diapers and selling the pictures to magazines. They're just like us! Look at them! They drink coffee and wear shoes!"Ugh. Who cares?
Then I turn to the article on the train wreck of the week and think, "Jesus. No wonder she's so fucked up. She can't even put gas in her car without some idiot snapping a camera in her face to sell to a magazine to show people that she's just like us! except on way more drugs." Flip. Flip. Flip.This is how it goes the entire time I am reading and trying to hide the cover from my fellow commuters on the 4 Train, lest they mistakenly take me for someone who not only purchases, but reads, this garbage.
I don't buy it every week, but I did briefly consider a subscription. Thank god I came to my senses. I'd be horrified if one of my highbrow, academic neighbors caught me getting it out of my mailbox. And then I'd giggle and make some comment like, "Can you believe Erica reads this shit?", while covering the address label with my MoMA catalog or something so they would be sure to know that I am the sophisticated, artsy lesbian in the building and not some schlock who reads tabloids.
This morning, instead of picking up AMNY or Metro, I stopped at a bodega and bought the NY Times and a fancy bottle of Naked juice smoothie drink to try to re-balance my cool and intellectual chi. I am sure my fellow commuters were all appropriately impressed.
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